Think of Italy and bread is surely foremost in one’s mind … that is what you eat with formaggio, prosciutto, salame, mortadella, coppa, etc.

So you would think the Italians eat bread until it comes out their ears!?

Think again, bread in Italy, all those wonderful rolls etc. cost about four times that of bread in developing economies.

If that were the cost of bread in South Africa, there would be a revolution!

In Italy, even more bizarrely, the cost of ‘cake’ (exquisite biscuits and other confectionary galore of all sorts) as the French Queen would have it is no more than bread – actually I think it generally is less as it keeps!

Oh, there is no bread – okay, we will eat biscuits then!

Now if there were only our South African “Eat Sum Mor’s” and a few others that we may be lucky enough to find in Pick ‘n Pay, Woolworth’s, the Shoprite Checkers upmarket shops etc that would be dismal.

Here, there are a gazillion varieties stretching all the way to Infinity …

Forget breakfast toast …  (although you can buy packets of pre toasted bread at very good prices) … I want the sfogliature!

Boudoirs are called savoriardis (or something like that) and you can eat a kilo until it comes out of your ears.

Why bacon and eggs when all your human DNA really wants to break the fast (that you endured because you could not leave your cave whilst the predators out there were waiting to sink their teeth into your tender flesh and tear you apart) is sweetness?

No need to store the honey that you found whilst hunting the mammoths – there are biscuits of a myriad forms and shapes that you can have instead.

Also, if you really insist on the pane tostato … a myriad jams!

And do not forget the chocolate hazelnut spread either, awesome with early morning coffee.

Oddly you can find instant coffee here as well … of course Nestle is pushing the utmost of its quality to keep the fastidious Italian consumer happy … but there are all sorts of unknown brands of quality real coffee; it just needs the click of the gas lighter to get your espresso going.

You would have thought it is just Illy, Lavazza and Segafreddo!?

No, it is name after name after name of unknown, never heard of before brands, all competing for the sharp tongue of Italians who can be heard on the other side of the Universe and through the Black Holes that take you into the parallel universii (is that the plural of Universe?) if the coffee is not good.

God must have disappeared deep down through all the wormholes he could conjure up to avoid the noise of complaining Italians.

Creating Man was a good job on His part, but the Italians He was not expecting, He has setup a call centre of angels and saints to keep away from all of that.

The angels are angels after all, and what is the point of a saint if he/she cannot endure suffering.

You surely have to feel for the Old Man up there or down there or wherever He went to hide from the Italians … desperate, and in anguish, until He figured out a solution.

I mean why would you want to have the speed of light as a fundamental law of physics!?

Damn good option to keep it all at bay, with sound itself traveling only at a fraction of the speed of light.

Especially when a blonde fifty something lady had the audacity to jump the queue for the doctor ahead of my 93 year ‘old man’ …  I think God just burrowed deeper after that with celestial Ear Muffs on, and has taken an even longer sabbatical from his angels and saints.

PS. Somehow the small amount of bread you eat fills you … it must be the chunks of cheese and salami … ?

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